Three Lives of Me

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The color green is the color of my everyday emotion. Why? It’s the color of jealousy.

There are plenty of people in the world who feel the same way and I understand why. You feel out of place. You feel as though you can’t cooperate with yourself, and it’s frustrating. You feel unloved and useless. You see all these other people on the streets who look like they are in control. You don’t feel in control and it hurts. It hurts bad and you want to fix it and fast.

You try to pretend, doesn’t work. Only makes it worse. Try to do better. Nope only works for a while, one slip you lose it all. The color green is everywhere. Sometimes it feels like it’s closing in. That’s when you run, you try to forget your cowardly moves and move on. As though nothing has happened. All those mistakes are becoming more ordinary that rare. They become more hazardous than microscopic. You can’t help it so you keep moving. You give up and continue on because you don’t want to believe that you could’ve been so stupid to ruin it all.

Except for the fact that YOU did.

No excuses this time just accountability. Take it, learn it, love it. Enjoy it. You have to get used to accepting mistakes before it’s too late you have to breathe it in. I know it’ll hurt, but it’s better than being more injured in the long run. You only get so many chances in a lifetime and you shouldn’t want to ruin them. You don’t do it intentionally but it’s still your fault. It’s still your mistake. You can’t fix the past, but by moving on from the jealousy, you can make a good future path. Jealousy is like a virus that comes through negativity, causing you to feel invisible. No one is invisible. The word invisible means, unable to be seen.

No one is transparent. Everyone is visible. Everyone is important, jealousy can make people feel as though they aren’t important. That’s what it does to me. I feel unlikeable. I felt as though I wouldn’t make it, but by the end of the day, I felt better. Jealousy is a reckless parasite. Jealousy could eat someone alive. When jealousy comes after someone it doesn’t stop at it’s own will. Jealousy is like an uncontrollable feeling that only goes away if it’s replaced with a different feeling.

A positive feeling.

The best way to create that positive feeling is to surround yourself with positive people. I once wrote a paper about whether Positivity, or Friendship was more important. You can’t be positive when you’re lonely. The green can consume people even when they are positive but the only way to win against it is to not give into it. Which is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Happy or not.

It can get complicated when you are trying to overcome such a negative feeling. What you have to do is keep fighting. The more you give up, the more it's welcome. The harder you fight the harder it falls. Jealousy only comes because you let it in. Don't let it in. Make a good choice. Make a good path for your future by fighting it. Don't give in to it because you can't fight anymore. You can always fight. That's how you win.

Last modified on Sunday, 31 May 2015 21:00