Three Lives of Me

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Featured Saturday Self-Session 05.16

Saturday Self-Session 05.16

This week has been filled with much frustration. So much so that I’ve allowed it to take me out of my normal self and I’m taking it out on my family. I don’t like being that person. It’s rare that I am. I’m disappointed in myself, because I haven’t been taking my own advice - stay out of things.

I know better than getting myself involved in certain situations because I get emotionally attached. Mainly, because I want to remove the hurt that was caused. I want to help fix the problem. But regardless of the efforts that I provide, I have no control over the outcome. And when that outcome isn't what's best for that person, it causes me to stress when it shouldn't.

It's not that I want my plans to be theirs. That's what it sounds like, right? I want them to be happy as well as the people they claim to care about. I want them to use better judgment. Why is that so hard for some to do?

I'm not sure. What I am sure about is what it taught me this week.

It’s ok to be mad. Definitely not all the time, but on occasion, it’s completely normal. I don’t like being mad because for one it takes up too much energy. And for two, it makes me cry which pisses me off even more. When I get mad like that, I tend to want to let everyone know how and why they got me so angry. I’m so grateful for my husband who talked me off the ledge this week. While, it’s ok to be angry, it’s not ok to say things you don’t mean. Let me tell you, I wouldn’t have been able to come back from those things had I made some calls (even if I still think one or two is well-deserved).

Take a step back. How’s that saying go…”You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” Probably my number one pet peeve – not taking my advice. No, wait, it’s not that. It’s asking my advice and THEN not taking it. I don’t like investing my time if that person is going to do the complete opposite of what I said should be done. I know I can’t make anyone do anything. It’s their choice on what they want to do. But, dammit if I push that horse in the water, I bet he’ll drink something! And this is the reason I have to step back. I can’t go pushing horses. It’s not nice.

It is what it is. There’s some aspects about my life I’d like to change. For instance, the connection of my immediate family. I adore my immediate family. I do. But sometimes, they can make me feel like an orphan. Some of the things they do (in this case, don't do) actually hurt. And at times, because they aren’t a big baby like me (yes, that’s how they would put it), they could care less that I’m upset. Being almost 39, one would think I would know better by now. It's how they are. What I get from them is what I get. I know they love me. Even though I wish sometimes, they would just try.

Dream. I wasn't the only one who was feeling like life got too serious this week. My husband and I needed to not focus on the negative that was surrounding us. We started dreaming about our future and our five-year plan and are excited with what we came up with. We like where we are, but it’s not where we want to stay. We're dreaming big and having fun with it. Spending time doing that helped get us out of that rut we were in. It was a good reminder of this meme that I like. It has a picture of a tree and reads, “If you don’t like where you are, move. You are not a tree.”

Have fun. Too much work has been going on around here lately. The scales need to be recalibrated. Yes, we are a busy family, but that doesn't mean we can't be spontaneous and enjoy life. Isn't that what life's about? Somehow, that has been forgotten and it's time to get some balance back. I can't be all work and no play. Because as we all know, that won't end well.

I've got to let go (and I apologize if Elsa's voice is now blaring in your head). I have enough going on in my own life. While I believe in encouraging others and love doing so, how they decide to move forward can not affect my well being. They may land right side up or they may land face down. Either way, I didn't make their choices. They did. They have to live with them. Not me.

I'm only responsible for what I do. That, I can be happy about.

How was your week? What did you learn?