Three Lives of Me

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Predators Illustration Predators Illustration by Maxim Shkret

The Good Wife

I wasn’t taught how to be a wife.

See, my parents divorced when I was five years old. During those few short years, I was a constant bystander of a volatile relationship. My father wasn’t strong enough to love anyone and my mother was too fragile to love herself.

After they went their separate ways, the pattern continued. Just with different people. I grew up thinking I knew what love and commitment meant. I had no clue that healthy and relationship went together like strings and a tennis shoe or pen and paper – needing the former to function properly.

It took several years to unlearn what I thought was true. Remnants from my childhood: controlling, selfishness and downright hateful behaviors, are what I still struggle with. Fighting against the old habits that once were normal and reminding myself that they actually are abnormal as well as toxic.

It hasn’t been easy and I can honestly say, being a spouse is much harder for me than being a mother. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love and enjoy being a wife to my husband every single day. There are so many things that aren’t second nature to us, yet become just that. And that’s what I am working towards.

Was being a wife natural to you or was it something you learned throughout your marriage?